Rainman Needs a Holiday

Yeah, I'm noticing this whole “getting out in the real world” is becoming really important. The other day, I made a dash to the store in the middle of the night, while talking to Daddy. After a while, he had to go and got off the phone, but I kept talking. I became that crazy lady roaming the aisles of Volde-Mart at 1:00AM talking to herself-- and not in the funny way. It freaked me out enough that I called Castle, knowing he'd still be up, just so that I could have someone responding to me, because I couldn't stop talking.

Yes, getting around people who can hold down a conversation (that doesn't loop every 15 seconds, thankyouverymuch) is starting to become important. Definitely. Definitely important. Definitely. Definitely. /typed-Rainman-impression YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!

As you probably know, I have been fightingworking with the Veteran's Association since mid-February, trying to get a homemaker to come in and give me some relief from caring for The Mad Cow, day in and day out. And as of 2 weeks ago, they finally came through (with a little nudge from Senator Rockefeller and Congresswoman Capito). All of a sudden, I went from 6 hours a week total to 4 hours, 5 times a week. TWENTY hours, to do grocery shopping, visit with friends and just be out of the house. HEAVEN! Mebbe I'll even start finding my sanity again. I'm fairly certain I left it under a rock somewhere...

The problem is, my friends are working during the majority of those hours. And grocery shopping takes me about 2 hours, if I reeeeally stretch it. And, due to poor timing on the part of the theaters, I can't really go see a movie. It has sort of left me wondering what the Hell I'm supposed to be doing with all this lovely free time? Something where I'm not spending money (because, hello! I don't have an income) and where I'm out of the house, but not driving up to Parkersburg every day. Actually, Parkersburg would be a non-issue if it weren't for the prohibitive cost of gas, and, well, lack of income.

Hmm, lack of income, plenty of time on my hands... At first I thought I could get a part time job! Except, that I would have to figure in commute time, because I LEAVE the house at 2:00, I can't BE at work at 2:00. And I can't work overtime. And I still need SOME time for shopping, or running up to Pburg for SOME necessities... and most offices in the area close by 5:00 (if I'm lucky), so I've got somewhere between 7.5 and 10 hours that I can work. Hmmm. Like anyone would waste time training me in their office to do 7.5-10 hours of work over 3-4 days in a week. GAH!

But I still needed something to do. Next thought: community service. So I went to my local library. Turns out they're desperate for volunteers. In fact, they're even hiring part timers right now (to the tune of 20-30 hours/week, so I still can't do it, but it's nice to know!). And I volunteered. Starting Tuesday (cuz Monday is grocery day), I get to put all of the sci-fi/fantasy books in alpha order. I'm realizing that to some people, that might sound downright dull, but I'm excited. I'll get to work IN A LIBRARY, in the SCI-FI section, and I'll be able to soothe that weird part of me that loves to put things in order (except in my bedroom). And there will be people there whose conversations don't loop every 15 seconds! I might even get to talk to one of them. OooooOOOOOooooh!

So, yeah. I'm volunteering to work in the library, and I couldn't be happier. Oh! And if I can get my bike fixed, I could even ride there every day. OoOOOOOoooooh! Built in exercise!

So, once that starts, I might go back to my regular conversations with myself, instead of the freaky ones. I'm excited.

Peace.

Well: A Deep Topic

Today was light and lovely. The Mad Cow decided to take a “nap” in his own bed this morning, which meant that I got to sleep in mine for most of my sleep cycle. And I woke up feeling really good! :) (Usually, I sleep on the couch for most of my “night” to make sure I hear it when he decides to caper around the house.)

Fae (Pop's new homemaker/assisty person) came by a bit early-- calling beforehand to make sure it was okay-- so that had me in a bit of a last minute rush, but really, I didn't mind. Ah, the wonders of a good “night's” sleep. :)

I tried to get the oil changed for the car, but the garage was full today, so they pencilled me in for tomorrow. And that put the kibosh on my plans (oil change, then hang out in the library and reeeeead), so I drove up to Parkersburg (because I CAN!) and read in the coffee shop in Borders for a few hours. I might have bought the latest C. E. Murphy book, too.

Somewhere in there, the weather went from a sweltering 90+F and humid, to 70F and thunderstorms. In, like, five minutes. Sitting in the large bookstore, I could hear the rain pelting the rooftop over their piped music. At first it was like the heavens opened and dumped. By the time I had to leave, it had slacked, but it was still raining fairly heavy. But it was a warm rain, so I didn't mind at all walking through it to get to my car. In fact, it was rather sensuous.

When I got home, Fae reported-- surprised-- that Pop slept most of the day. I guess that means he's decided she's no longer Company, as he would never sleep in front of Company. Probably the bath had something to do with that.

After that, we had a very quiet evening, where Pop watched TV really, really loud, and I finished reading Eloisa James's Duchess by Night, which was delightful! I wish Mom was still around. I know she'd have liked this one. Regency romance, at its best.

Well, it's time to take out the trash, clean the kitchen and head to bed. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to stay there most of tonight too!

Peace.

My Poor Apple Tree (and Other Yard News)

There's an apple tree outside my bedroom window. Sometime earlier this year, I noticed that one of the branches has been reaching out into the neighbor's yard-- directly over their power cables. Not good. So, I've been trying to figure out what to do about it-- obviously, that branch needed to be hacked, but with something so delicate, I didn't think this would be a good time for me to learn. I mean, if I f'd up, the neighbors would no longer have power. Not good.

The other day while I was talking with Ro's husband, Cutter, who has been helping me revamp the yard, he noticed that the tree has split in half near the base. You know that branch hanging over the neighbor's wires? Yeah... Apparently, all it would take is a stiff wind in the right direction to not only bring down that branch, but half the damn tree.

Today, Cutter broke out the chain-saw and tar, and we put our heads together on exactly how to surgically remove the part that looked ready to break off. While we were examining the tree, we noticed that the tree had been split once before-- there was a big hole near the base-- and was literally rotting from the inside out. On closer examination, we found what looks like two separate trunks that grew together. One of them was completely rotten, and the other still had its trunk fully intact. At first, Cutter thought we could just remove the rotten one altogether, but because they had grown together, the healthy one was still leaning on what was left of the dead one.

In the end, Cutter removed what he could of the dead half, tarred what was still alive, and scooped out (with BARE HANDS, mind) most of the rotten wood.

Of course, I didn't think to take Before pictures. That would imply that I know what I'm doing. But here are the After pictures.

So, here's what my apple tree looks like now:


Close up of where it was cut. Notice the trunk itself had started to rot through.


Innards we scooped out with bare hands...


This half seems to still be healthy with a full trunk wrapping around it, even inside...


Here's what's left of the dead half. Anyone want some apple wood? I hear it's really good for cookouts. Fragrant.


In other news, I've had some work done on the lawn. Most of it was upkeep that should have been done years ago, but wasn't because A) Pop stopped being capable some time ago and B) because I didn't know it was needed until I started looking.

The brick flower box on the front porch was caving out. Once again, no Before photo. Here's how he replaced it with treated wood:


Cutter gave me some Marigolds from the store to put in the planter, and then I planted a bunch from seed. I think you can tell the difference.


Grandma had a rose bush here, right next to the driveway. Riiight where a passenger would get out of the car and get caught on the thorns. Honestly, I don't know WHY she planted it there. As a kid, I got caught/cut on that thing so many times.


Cutter helped me transplant it. No blooms right now. I think it's having some culture shock from being moved.


He also gave me a baby pumpkin that was randomly growing in his yard-- from the seeds from last year's pumpkins when the kids did jack-o-lanterns. It's still getting used to its new home and putting it's roots back down, but soon it'll be sending vines all OVER the bed!


And! Gratuitous shot of my foxglove. Again, planted by seed by me, last year and FINALLY! this year starting to grow. Hmm. Mebbe next year I'll get even more?


Another thing Cutter helped me with was to get rid of a bunch of (ugly) bushes my grandma-- or mebbe Pop?-- had planted in front of the house. Perhaps at one time they had been well shaped and purposeful, but now... they're history! Instead, Cutter got some (free!!!) lilac cuttings from his neighbor and planted them under both windows and between! Next year, when winter has finally passed and we can open the windows, we'll be smelling lilacs! You can also see the placement of my foxglove and pumpkin, as well as the recycled stones from the old front porch planter now used to line a flower bed!


And since we're on the topic of growing things, let me show you an update on my garden! :) But I'm not excited or anything. Heh.

I've got lots of corn. This is not “corn on the cob” corn-- not even popcorn, but the kind that you see hung on people's doors for Thanksgiving-- the multi-brown kind. Much better for grinding into cornmeal than eating straight. Apparently it has a lovely, nutty flavor. Can't WAIT to find out!




Here's my one sunflower! And more corn.


The tomatoes have finally started coming up. I'm going to have to stake them soon, so that they don't fall over and rot.


And some beans are showing up. I have no idea what kind.


My cabbages are starting to form heads! I hope I don't find any babies in there, but if I do, I'm sure they'll have a tattoo of Xavier Roberts on their butts.


And my lettuces are fully formed.


Check it out! Three heads growing together.


And finally, there's a Thing growing next to my grapevine. I don't know WTF it is, but it's already taller than me. Any thoughts?


Anyways, yay for my garden! You know, back when I started my Great Experiment, one of the things I wanted was lots of lovely plants for the faeries to play in. I think we're getting close, eh? :)

Peace.

An Odd Day

I suppose today started out last night (this morning?) around 1am when the Mad Cow started moaning. That in and of itself is nothing new. I've taken to calling it his “pee noise” cuz usually when he makes it, well, you get the idea. This morning, however, when I went to check on him, he said he was hurting, “right here,” and started rubbing over his heart. Ok, that is scary, and when you add to it that he can almost NEVER identify A) that he is IN pain and B) where the pain is, well, I freaked out.

After a quick chat with Daddy, I took him to the local hospital, where they poked and prodded him and after 2 hours, announced that it wasn't a heart attack, he can go home and follow up with his regular doctor, but if he complains again, to bring him back right away. Dammit, it's so hard to tell if he's crying wolf. Or mebbe he had indigestion, which can cause pain in that area. Or mebbe it was something else entirely! Or or or... Bah!

I got him to bed around 4 and we both crashed. Ro came in around 7, fed him and got him ready for the day, and left us both sleeping in the living room (because it's easier for me to sleep/keep an eye on him from the couch while he's in his lift chair). Maybe a half an hour after Ro left, he stood up and announced that he was going to bed. “You can't go to bed, because... um... Hellz, let's BOTH go to bed.”

So we did, and we both slept until 2. With NO interruptions. Usually the only way that happens is if I have to drug him.

I haven't slept so well since... well, since the last time he was in the hospital.

Anyway, when I woke up, I decided I wanted a cinnamon bun. Now, one of the ways that I am controlling my junk-food intake is to make my own. If I want cookies, I've stopped buying them in boxes. I tell myself at the store that the cookies I make taste better than what I can buy (very true), AND I know exactly what's in them. No high fructose corn syrup, no weird partially hydrogenated soy thingees or MSG (now legally shown on most product labels as “natural flavorings” or “spices.”) Just regular old flour, eggs and sugar. And cinnamon. I really like cinnamon. Now there's a natural flavoring and spice.

What this all came down to was that I had a choice: bake my own cinnamon buns or go without. Usually, the lazy side wins, but today, like I said, I wanted them. This meant venturing once more into the wild world of Yeast. This was my second attempt on my own, the first being the ill-fated English Muffin LumpLoaf. I was a bit nervous, but I think I figured out where I went wrong last time, so I was up for the challenge.

I had originally planned for cimamum bun as breakfast-- it even said in the recipe if you wake up early you can do it-- until I read the part about “let it rise for 2 hours.” HA! So after heating up Pop's lunch, I grabbed the first thing I could find for my breakfast, which turned out to be leftovers from last night's supper: a salad from my garden. That's right. I ate SALAD for breakfast. Who's proud of me?

Long story short, today, I learned two things: how to work with yeast to prevent future Lumpsfailures AND that I make killer cimamum rolls.

I also got a bitch of an attack of carpel tunnel. Same areas of the hand that my mom used to get it too. It's one of the reasons she stopped baking, except with a bread maker. As Arcana would say, “Poo.”

Overall, between lots of sleep and cimamum buns (YUM!) it's been a good day, even if it did rain and I didn't get to see any fireworks to celebrate that we're not British. Then again, knowing me, that's not something I celebrate, but yanno. I still like pretty-pretty esplodies. Oh, yeah. And Serenity and I spent about an hour looking at all the hotties in kilts here. Yes, Gerard Butler is in there. Score!

Anyway, yeah. Good times.

Peace.

You Know, I WOULD Like Some Cheese with this Whine

Sorry folks. I'm a-gonna vent. Is the world coming down around my shoulders? No. Am I supremely unhappy and wish things would change? No. I'm just letting off some steam from THIS DAY.

First off, DAMN I wish people would stop calling in the morning, no matter HOW good their intentions are. (Okay, so I wish SOME things would change.)

Secondly, I wish I had set my fucking alarm for 11:30 AM instead of PM, so I would have gotten up with enough time to shower, eat, feed the Mad Cow and feel refreshed. As it was, I woke up 10 minutes before the homemaker's administrator was supposed to be here. That's right. After 5 months of begging, pleading, and calling on the aid of my US Senators, the VA FINALLY came through and found a babysitter to help me out with Pop. We were supposed to set up the paperwork today... 10 minutes after I woke up. Had enough time to grab a nectarine for brekkie, throw clothes on and have Mad Cow sitting at the table starting lunch.

But the administrator didn't get here when she said she would; she got here a half hour late thanks to following the Mapquest directions INSTEAD of the ones I gave her when she called. (In the morning.) We did our little paperwork dance, and I answered the SAME QUESTIONS people have been asking me about Pop SINCE FEBRUARY (do these people not take notes or do they just not share them with anyone else?) and Pop is now officially ready to have a homemaker come in and babysit for 4 hours, 5 days a week.

Once the paperwork was done, we waited on the homemaker, who was supposed to be here by 1:30, but she too was late. Finally, when the homemaker didn't come after half an hour, the administrator called her at home, and she said she didn't know she was supposed to be here today, and won't be available in the afternoons until THURSDAY.

The good news is, starting Thursday, I will have a babysitter for Pop. The bad news is, they don't work on federal holidays, so the next time she comes after that will be Monday. Still, I am INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL.

By this time, I was awake. With nothing better to do and no way to go anywhere, I puttered around the house for a bit, spoke with Morticia on the phone, finally realized that I was rank, and hopped in the shower. See, the shower is a useful tool to get clean, but it is also when I center myself for the day. It is sacred time for me. Of course, as soon as I was soaking wet, Mad Cow decided he had to pee. NOW. So I got back out of the shower, helped him do his thing and get settled, and THEN finished my shower.

Right as I was drying off, the dogs started going crazy in the front room. Wouldn't you know it? Pop's in-home nurse had come early. Okay, truth be told, I was so busy remembering that the administrator was coming early that I entirely forgot the nurse would be here at all. Whoopsies. I let her in, and ran to the bed room to put clothes on. She did her thing and left fairly quickly, and finally, there were no more responsibilities.

I took a nap. And woke up from healing slumber to the sound of Mad Cow grabbing the telephone receiver from his chair.

Me-Pop, who are you calling?
MC-I don't know.
Me-What are you doing with the phone?
MC-I don't know.
Me-Does anyone else feel like they're stuck in the middle of a Bill Cosby routine?
MC-Huh?
Me-Never mind. Just, can you hang up the phone?
MC-Well, help me up.
Me-You don't need to stand up. Just hang up the phone.
MC-I'm getting up.
Me-Don't GET up; HANG up.
MC- [dumps blanket on floor, preparing to stand ]

I got cranky. Hopped off the couch, grabbed the receiver from his hand, hung up, slapped his blanket back on him and realized OW. Headache. Bad one.

Tried to lie back down, but OW. Light in my eyes. Everywhere. Felt like an ice pick through the eyeball and on into the rest of the head.

Ended up taking some Motrin, drinking some water and trying to eat, but until it all kicked in, the headache was hurting so bad I thought I was going to vomit. (I didn't.) All I wanted to do was sit on the toilet and hold my head. (I did.) Until I heard the damn lift chair going again.

By the time I caught up to him, he was standing (if you can call it standing-- more like wavering) over the sink in the kitchen, with a peach in one hand and a-- Good Gods, he's got a KNIFE! [enter crankiness x2 ] Took away the peach AND the knife and sat him down. He didn't WANT to sit down, but he did anyway. I may have cranked at him. (I did.)

After both of us ate a peach, THEN I realized it was 7:00, and he needed to eat supper... and before supper I'm supposed to... oops. Check his blood sugar. I checked it, and it was pretty good, even with the peach. Reheated some leftovers, and he promptly pushed them away. REFUSED to eat. So, I heated up some potato soup, the cure-all for his Idonwanna's, and sure enough, all of a sudden he was hungry.

We wrapped up supper, and somewhere in there, the headache went away. And somewhere else in there, Morticia gave me some Very Exciting News. As with the whole homemaker sitch, I don't want to say much more until things are more finalized, but if they pan out they way they've started... VERY exciting.

So, in all, I'm just overly tired and cranky, but besides that, today was a Good Day. I mean, we're getting a homemaker, I prevented Mad Cow from stabbing himself in the process of eating a peach, and Morticia has good news.

Yay.

Peace.

Holy Carp!

It's 10:30 and I'm ready for bed. Of course, I do have to get up at 7:00 AM to get Mad Cow ready for the day, since Ro is taking tomorrow morning off. That's ok. It's time she'll spend with her son.

AND! Let me tell you. Doc gave Pop some pill to keep his bladder from seizing. For the first time since I GOT HERE, Pop slept the whole night through and didn't wake up ONCE. Seriously. I nearly fell over.

And now, if I don't get to bed, I WILL fall over.

G'night, peeps.

Peace.

The FOOD Network?!

Arcana asked me a few weeks? months? ago how my magickal studies are coming along, and guiltily, I admitted that I haven't been doing them, like, at all. A million excuses came to mind, but I'm getting better at recognizing the difference between an excuse and a reason. (Probably didn't stop me from telling her a couple, though. In all honesty, at this point, I don't remember, but I know myself well enough to guess at a general response.)

Whether or not she realizes it, the conversation has stuck with me this whole time. I mull it around, and every so often, I consider pulling down my workbooks. Hasn't happened in the almost-two years I've been here, but I've got some grand intentions. Anyway, today, I once more pondered this behavior, and what it came back to was my Great Experiment and the Law of Attraction.

See, as Oprah puts it, the Law of Attraction is simply that whatever you focus on, expands. Abraham-Hicks say that Law of Attraction is “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Oprah's is less of a mouthful. :)

So why is my magick not expanding? Why is it that any time I consider doing it, it feels like pulling teeth? Because I'm not focused on magick right now, duh! I'm focusing on finding foods that are healthy and delicious (Read: foods that are healthy, and foods that are delicious-- okay, more emphasis on delicious, if we're being honest. I think I still have mental blocks about the two being non-exclusive.) I think a lot about the mental and physical state of The Mad Cow, about generally keeping costs down, and about things that will and/or do make me happy.

And here's what I've got.
1. Tons of newsletters for different organizations (health, environment, catalogs)-- but all of them offer free recipes!

2. A Great Big Book of Intake/Output for The Mad Cow. (This is the most organized I've been with him since I got here.) I also have a general knowledge of which behaviors mean “healthy Poppa” and which ones mean we're a step away from heading back to the hospital. (It can be difficult to tell, since the most information I get from him verbally is that he's not worth a nickel.)

3. A small pile of stuff that I've sewn after thinking, “I wish I could buy me a...” / “I wish they made a customized...” AND a garden growing in the backyard. (If you receive holiday gifts from me, chances are, you'll be getting something from one of the two this year, if everything goes according to plan.)

4. A small armada of techniques that, when properly applied, help me stay centered, peaceful and grounded. (The trick here is to remember to use them when I'm freaking out, but I'm getting better at that.)

And what does this tell me? :) My focus right now is very earthy. To use the terminology from Abraham-Hicks, I'm not vibrating at a level with high magick, which is why I'm not doing it.

The neurotic me, of course, started freaking out as soon as I realized that. “Why aren't I more magickally inclined? I need balance with ALL the Elements, not just one. I mean, is it okay for me to be earth-bound right now? Shouldn't I--” And that's where I stopped it. Shoulds and Shouldn'ts are holding less power over me these days.

The fact of the matter is, I'm in Earth mode right now, and that's okay. I'm the seed that's been planted in the earth's womb. All sorts of growing is happening, and when I'm ready to sprout, THEN there will be Air and Rain and Sun. For now, there's Earth. ... And manure to help me grow. ;)

On a related note, yanno how I don't watch TV? Today, after I put The Mad Cow to bed, I was working on sewing his (for lack of a better term) wheelchair backpack, and decided to have some background noise going while I worked. To my surprise, the MOST INTERESTING show I could find at that time was on the freaking Food Network-- a channel I have never before been interested in. Of course, once the show about how to make sticky buns and crepes ended and the one about getting voted off the kitchen island came on, I moved on... and found a movie (on another channel I generally avoid) that I've been thinking about for a while. Heh. Law of Attraction, baby. ;)

Peace.