Wow. Stuff has happened. And when I say “Stuff,” it's with the capital S. It is not my Stuff, so I am not at liberty to say what happened, nor to whom. However, what I can say is that the offending party is a child, an idiot and a selfish sunamabitch. (From now on, we shall refer to the selfish sunamabitch as The Idiot, because it's easier to type and it REALLY applies. And “Troglodyte Child” is just far too complimentary.)
This Stuff is a pretty big thing for me, even though it's not happening TO me, and so most of my energy outside of caretaking for Pop is currently directed towards offering support for my friend, and trying to figure out what the blankety-blank was going on in the mind of The Idiot that they would handle things so poorly. Then again, after applying a moniker like The Idiot, I should stop trying to figure out how they think, because obviously, they're not thinking. If they WERE thinking, they wouldn't have pulled half of the nonsense they did. (And yes, I am playing the pronoun game as a way to protect identities, not because I don't know my English grammar.)
I am absolutely furious that anyone, ANYONE would treat my friend the way that The Idiot has, and I very much want to lash out. However, what I need to remember is that as much as my friend is grieving over this painful situation, it is something that they chose to go through, and that they are learning a LOT about life through this experience. In that respect, this is turning out to be a Very Useful Experience. Also, Law of Attraction states that the more I focus on The Idiot's foul behavior, the more I draw people like that into my life, and I really don't need any of that at the moment.
So, I am letting go. I am supportive of my friend, and helping them take as many lessons from this experience as they can handle, and the rest I let go. It's not my shite to deal with, so there's no need for me to call it to myself.
And honestly, since Saturday (when this all began), my friend has been dealing with all of it admirably well, getting stronger and more self-assured with each passing hour. I am very proud of them. (GAH! I hate the pronoun game. It is so clumsy.)
But the point of all this, is that outside of this drama, there is very little going on in my life that doesn't take place at the conversational level of a two-year-old. So this is much more interesting to talk about... And I'm turning into a gossip. Blech.
Hmm. I really need something to capture my interest... that or I need to get out more.
Speaking of getting out more, today at the library, one of the full-time staff members expressed a wish that I could work there at the very least part-time. I am not adverse to getting paid to do what I'm doing. I only wish I had the hours. BUT this does bode well for the someday when I will need to have an income again. :)
Anyway, yeah. That's me.
Peace.
Showing posts with label breakthrough. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breakthrough. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
IS Life a Banquet?
It's about time for a check-in on my Great Experiment. I've come quite a ways since I first began at the top of 2007, not because there are even more things on my wish list that I can check off, although that is the case, but because I'm better understanding what to wish for. But I'm getting ahead of myself. :)
Let's look at the list. Hmm.
1.My weight/size is still unsatisfactory, but I think that's because there are deeper issues than what I've dealt with so far. And, too, because I'm just not getting exercise at the moment.
2.My lover. Heh. This one is complicated. I am amazed to say that I do have a lover who fits the description almost exactly. The thing is, I don't think he's someone I'll ever marry, which is what I thought I was looking for when I wrote the description. But the thing that I find fascinating, is that A) I don't have the time or energy to devote to a marriage-type relationship and B) the relationship that I do have with Castle is perfect for both of us right now. Who knows what will happen as things change?
3.My manuscript. Yeah. Not done yet.
4.People like my writings. I'd say so. Nobody's paid me for them. Yet.
5.Prosperity keeps popping up in unexpected ways. Hoo, yes! When I first wrote that, I was still working the night shift at a job that I didn't like (LOVED the people, hated the job). I couldn't have even imagined getting all my bills paid for just staying home all day. But that's exactly what I do. Okay, I do a little bit more than that, but yanno.
6.Joyous all the time? No. Joyous a LOT more than I used to be? Abso-frackin'-lutely!!!
7.My home is clean, tasteful and inviting. Hmmm. Moving on...
8.I get a lot done in one day. Short of having a day with no sleep, I'd say so. It's not the kind of “chicken with the head cut off” running around I had always associated with “getting stuff done,” but stuff still gets done.
9.The best in life comes easily to me. Well, I'm sitting here, at the keyboard of my beautiful, beloved, souped-up iMac, in a room filled with books and movies I love, two silly, flying monkeys sprawled across beautiful sheets, and three days ago I took a tele-seminar on how different personalities draw wealth to themselves differently. Am I there yet? No. But I am definitely on the road.
10.Proud of my decisions? Yes. The guilt is gone. I've learned to take responsibility for my choices, and in doing so, I think I'm making better ones. :)
11.Hmm. No kids. For the moment, I'd like to keep it that way.
12.Again, no kids.
13.Career? No career. And for the moment, THAT'S FINE. I'll get there eventually, when I'm done with this.
14.Gardens! HaHA! Yes, I am growing gardens, both front and back. (More of that throw seeds in the ground and hope for the best attitude.) Magickal faerie lands? Not yet. Give it another year or so. (If I was a more dedicated gardener, I might have been able to pull it off, but as it is, I'm relying heavily on Mom Nature, and she does things in her own time.)
15.Flying monkeys are at an all time high on the behavior-o-meter! I've even taken them for some midnight walks without the leash and they haven't run off or ANYthing. I am VERY proud of them.
16.I'm in control of my life? Actually, I am. I just never thought I'd be choosing some of the things I do. Heh.
17.No renovations to the house. Yet.
18.Positive outlook? MUCH easier for me. (But having enough sleep helps. I tend to get a little crazy when I don't get my sleeps.)
19.Haven't made it back to the UK with Squeaky yet. Grr.
Well now, it looks like I've got some serious updating to do on my list. Which is excellent, isn't it?
But then, some serious updating to my list is the other thing I wanted to talk about. Recently, I've been thinking, “Why do I have these things on my list?” And the answer was, “Because they'll make me happy.” But then the next question is, “Why do I need things to make me happy? Why can't I just put 1. I love being happy on my list and let that be it? I mean, the Universe-- or God or Bubba or whatever you want to call this Loving Energy that makes the Law of Attraction work-- seems to know better than I how things will work out. Wouldn't it know what would make me happy better than I?
Then again, there's a part of me that doesn't want to give up the Stuff on my list. I mean, after all, I like having stuff. And there's at least one item that I made a promise about. For my own sense of self, I need to keep it. Still in all, though, I think there's some pruning to be done. I've got my car. I've got a lover. I've got some gardens growing. I've got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night. ;)
So, to answer the question put in title, yes. Life IS a banquet. The Great Experiment is turning in positive results. Slowly but surely.
Hmm. Yes. Update to list is needed. Time to change the menu a bit. ;) Later. It's time for bed now. G'night!
Peace.
“Life's a banquet, and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death!”
- Auntie Mame
Let's look at the list. Hmm.
1.My weight/size is still unsatisfactory, but I think that's because there are deeper issues than what I've dealt with so far. And, too, because I'm just not getting exercise at the moment.
2.My lover. Heh. This one is complicated. I am amazed to say that I do have a lover who fits the description almost exactly. The thing is, I don't think he's someone I'll ever marry, which is what I thought I was looking for when I wrote the description. But the thing that I find fascinating, is that A) I don't have the time or energy to devote to a marriage-type relationship and B) the relationship that I do have with Castle is perfect for both of us right now. Who knows what will happen as things change?
3.My manuscript. Yeah. Not done yet.
4.People like my writings. I'd say so. Nobody's paid me for them. Yet.
5.Prosperity keeps popping up in unexpected ways. Hoo, yes! When I first wrote that, I was still working the night shift at a job that I didn't like (LOVED the people, hated the job). I couldn't have even imagined getting all my bills paid for just staying home all day. But that's exactly what I do. Okay, I do a little bit more than that, but yanno.
6.Joyous all the time? No. Joyous a LOT more than I used to be? Abso-frackin'-lutely!!!
7.My home is clean, tasteful and inviting. Hmmm. Moving on...
8.I get a lot done in one day. Short of having a day with no sleep, I'd say so. It's not the kind of “chicken with the head cut off” running around I had always associated with “getting stuff done,” but stuff still gets done.
9.The best in life comes easily to me. Well, I'm sitting here, at the keyboard of my beautiful, beloved, souped-up iMac, in a room filled with books and movies I love, two silly, flying monkeys sprawled across beautiful sheets, and three days ago I took a tele-seminar on how different personalities draw wealth to themselves differently. Am I there yet? No. But I am definitely on the road.
10.Proud of my decisions? Yes. The guilt is gone. I've learned to take responsibility for my choices, and in doing so, I think I'm making better ones. :)
11.Hmm. No kids. For the moment, I'd like to keep it that way.
12.Again, no kids.
13.Career? No career. And for the moment, THAT'S FINE. I'll get there eventually, when I'm done with this.
14.Gardens! HaHA! Yes, I am growing gardens, both front and back. (More of that throw seeds in the ground and hope for the best attitude.) Magickal faerie lands? Not yet. Give it another year or so. (If I was a more dedicated gardener, I might have been able to pull it off, but as it is, I'm relying heavily on Mom Nature, and she does things in her own time.)
15.Flying monkeys are at an all time high on the behavior-o-meter! I've even taken them for some midnight walks without the leash and they haven't run off or ANYthing. I am VERY proud of them.
16.I'm in control of my life? Actually, I am. I just never thought I'd be choosing some of the things I do. Heh.
17.No renovations to the house. Yet.
18.Positive outlook? MUCH easier for me. (But having enough sleep helps. I tend to get a little crazy when I don't get my sleeps.)
19.Haven't made it back to the UK with Squeaky yet. Grr.
Well now, it looks like I've got some serious updating to do on my list. Which is excellent, isn't it?
But then, some serious updating to my list is the other thing I wanted to talk about. Recently, I've been thinking, “Why do I have these things on my list?” And the answer was, “Because they'll make me happy.” But then the next question is, “Why do I need things to make me happy? Why can't I just put 1. I love being happy on my list and let that be it? I mean, the Universe-- or God or Bubba or whatever you want to call this Loving Energy that makes the Law of Attraction work-- seems to know better than I how things will work out. Wouldn't it know what would make me happy better than I?
Then again, there's a part of me that doesn't want to give up the Stuff on my list. I mean, after all, I like having stuff. And there's at least one item that I made a promise about. For my own sense of self, I need to keep it. Still in all, though, I think there's some pruning to be done. I've got my car. I've got a lover. I've got some gardens growing. I've got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night. ;)
So, to answer the question put in title, yes. Life IS a banquet. The Great Experiment is turning in positive results. Slowly but surely.
Hmm. Yes. Update to list is needed. Time to change the menu a bit. ;) Later. It's time for bed now. G'night!
Peace.
“Life's a banquet, and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death!”
- Auntie Mame
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The FOOD Network?!
Arcana asked me a few weeks? months? ago how my magickal studies are coming along, and guiltily, I admitted that I haven't been doing them, like, at all. A million excuses came to mind, but I'm getting better at recognizing the difference between an excuse and a reason. (Probably didn't stop me from telling her a couple, though. In all honesty, at this point, I don't remember, but I know myself well enough to guess at a general response.)
Whether or not she realizes it, the conversation has stuck with me this whole time. I mull it around, and every so often, I consider pulling down my workbooks. Hasn't happened in the almost-two years I've been here, but I've got some grand intentions. Anyway, today, I once more pondered this behavior, and what it came back to was my Great Experiment and the Law of Attraction.
See, as Oprah puts it, the Law of Attraction is simply that whatever you focus on, expands. Abraham-Hicks say that Law of Attraction is “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Oprah's is less of a mouthful. :)
So why is my magick not expanding? Why is it that any time I consider doing it, it feels like pulling teeth? Because I'm not focused on magick right now, duh! I'm focusing on finding foods that are healthy and delicious (Read: foods that are healthy, and foods that are delicious-- okay, more emphasis on delicious, if we're being honest. I think I still have mental blocks about the two being non-exclusive.) I think a lot about the mental and physical state of The Mad Cow, about generally keeping costs down, and about things that will and/or do make me happy.
And here's what I've got.
1. Tons of newsletters for different organizations (health, environment, catalogs)-- but all of them offer free recipes!
2. A Great Big Book of Intake/Output for The Mad Cow. (This is the most organized I've been with him since I got here.) I also have a general knowledge of which behaviors mean “healthy Poppa” and which ones mean we're a step away from heading back to the hospital. (It can be difficult to tell, since the most information I get from him verbally is that he's not worth a nickel.)
3. A small pile of stuff that I've sewn after thinking, “I wish I could buy me a...” / “I wish they made a customized...” AND a garden growing in the backyard. (If you receive holiday gifts from me, chances are, you'll be getting something from one of the two this year, if everything goes according to plan.)
4. A small armada of techniques that, when properly applied, help me stay centered, peaceful and grounded. (The trick here is to remember to use them when I'm freaking out, but I'm getting better at that.)
And what does this tell me? :) My focus right now is very earthy. To use the terminology from Abraham-Hicks, I'm not vibrating at a level with high magick, which is why I'm not doing it.
The neurotic me, of course, started freaking out as soon as I realized that. “Why aren't I more magickally inclined? I need balance with ALL the Elements, not just one. I mean, is it okay for me to be earth-bound right now? Shouldn't I--” And that's where I stopped it. Shoulds and Shouldn'ts are holding less power over me these days.
The fact of the matter is, I'm in Earth mode right now, and that's okay. I'm the seed that's been planted in the earth's womb. All sorts of growing is happening, and when I'm ready to sprout, THEN there will be Air and Rain and Sun. For now, there's Earth. ... And manure to help me grow. ;)
On a related note, yanno how I don't watch TV? Today, after I put The Mad Cow to bed, I was working on sewing his (for lack of a better term) wheelchair backpack, and decided to have some background noise going while I worked. To my surprise, the MOST INTERESTING show I could find at that time was on the freaking Food Network-- a channel I have never before been interested in. Of course, once the show about how to make sticky buns and crepes ended and the one about getting voted off the kitchen island came on, I moved on... and found a movie (on another channel I generally avoid) that I've been thinking about for a while. Heh. Law of Attraction, baby. ;)
Peace.
Whether or not she realizes it, the conversation has stuck with me this whole time. I mull it around, and every so often, I consider pulling down my workbooks. Hasn't happened in the almost-two years I've been here, but I've got some grand intentions. Anyway, today, I once more pondered this behavior, and what it came back to was my Great Experiment and the Law of Attraction.
See, as Oprah puts it, the Law of Attraction is simply that whatever you focus on, expands. Abraham-Hicks say that Law of Attraction is “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Oprah's is less of a mouthful. :)
So why is my magick not expanding? Why is it that any time I consider doing it, it feels like pulling teeth? Because I'm not focused on magick right now, duh! I'm focusing on finding foods that are healthy and delicious (Read: foods that are healthy, and foods that are delicious-- okay, more emphasis on delicious, if we're being honest. I think I still have mental blocks about the two being non-exclusive.) I think a lot about the mental and physical state of The Mad Cow, about generally keeping costs down, and about things that will and/or do make me happy.
And here's what I've got.
1. Tons of newsletters for different organizations (health, environment, catalogs)-- but all of them offer free recipes!
2. A Great Big Book of Intake/Output for The Mad Cow. (This is the most organized I've been with him since I got here.) I also have a general knowledge of which behaviors mean “healthy Poppa” and which ones mean we're a step away from heading back to the hospital. (It can be difficult to tell, since the most information I get from him verbally is that he's not worth a nickel.)
3. A small pile of stuff that I've sewn after thinking, “I wish I could buy me a...” / “I wish they made a customized...” AND a garden growing in the backyard. (If you receive holiday gifts from me, chances are, you'll be getting something from one of the two this year, if everything goes according to plan.)
4. A small armada of techniques that, when properly applied, help me stay centered, peaceful and grounded. (The trick here is to remember to use them when I'm freaking out, but I'm getting better at that.)
And what does this tell me? :) My focus right now is very earthy. To use the terminology from Abraham-Hicks, I'm not vibrating at a level with high magick, which is why I'm not doing it.
The neurotic me, of course, started freaking out as soon as I realized that. “Why aren't I more magickally inclined? I need balance with ALL the Elements, not just one. I mean, is it okay for me to be earth-bound right now? Shouldn't I--” And that's where I stopped it. Shoulds and Shouldn'ts are holding less power over me these days.
The fact of the matter is, I'm in Earth mode right now, and that's okay. I'm the seed that's been planted in the earth's womb. All sorts of growing is happening, and when I'm ready to sprout, THEN there will be Air and Rain and Sun. For now, there's Earth. ... And manure to help me grow. ;)
On a related note, yanno how I don't watch TV? Today, after I put The Mad Cow to bed, I was working on sewing his (for lack of a better term) wheelchair backpack, and decided to have some background noise going while I worked. To my surprise, the MOST INTERESTING show I could find at that time was on the freaking Food Network-- a channel I have never before been interested in. Of course, once the show about how to make sticky buns and crepes ended and the one about getting voted off the kitchen island came on, I moved on... and found a movie (on another channel I generally avoid) that I've been thinking about for a while. Heh. Law of Attraction, baby. ;)
Peace.
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